They're back. The Expendables – bigger, better and older than ever before. And this is their toughest mission yet. First it was promotion. Then it was survival. Now it's the leadership. A bunch of old friends, a motley crew of has-beens and never-really-weres, vaguely familiar faces from a distant and not especially glorious past, thrown together on the cheap for one last job, the most audacious heist of them all. The most barely believable of assaults. Poor, ugly and talentless, it's time for Levante Unión Deportiva to take on the world.
And win.
Valencia won their opening three matches and were a victory away from their best ever start. But Levante are ahead of them. Unbeaten in seven, Sevilla have had their best ever start. But Levante are ahead of them too. Málaga enjoyed their best ever start to the season, coming into this weekend's games with four consecutive wins. But Levante are also ahead of them. Just like they're ahead of Real Betis – who had their best ever start. Real Madrid, Marca proudly claim, have "six golden bullets" – and are on course for their best-ever goal tally. But Levante are ahead of them too.
In fact, Levante are ahead of everyone except FC Barcelona. And they're only behind them on goal difference, even though this has been Barcelona's best start too, with 12 games unbeaten in all competitions. A week ago, one Levante fan told how he had taken a cutting of the league table down to the cemetery and buried it alongside his grandmother. He ought to go back, dig it up and replace it. This week's table looks even better. For the first time in their entire history, Levante have won five games in a row. This Monday morning, they sit joint top of the table. This has never, ever happened before.
It is an achievement of absurd proportions. The only trophy Levante have ever won is the Copa de la República in 1937 during the civil war. They have only spent six seasons in the top flight in their entire history and their best finish is 10th. When they came up in 2004-05, it was the first time in 40 years and they went straight back down; when they returned in 2006-07, they lasted two seasons before going down again – with players on strike and the club in court; and when they came up again in 2010, they expected to go straight back down. Sure, they had drawn with Real Madrid but after 20 games last season they were rock bottom. They had an experienced side but 'experience' tends to be a euphemism for old and the experience most shared was relegation. Now, they were all going to experience it all over again.
Then they started winning. And now they can't stop. Survival came with a run of eight wins in 12 games from January to April. But this is something else again. This is ridiculous. "No," ran the headline in Monday morning's El Mundo, "this is not a joke." It felt like it must be.
After just seven games, Levante have 17 points already, two more that in the whole of the first half of last season. They have conceded the fewest goals in the division and have only been outscored by Madrid and Barcelona. This is the best period in the club's 102-year history. They have beaten Betis, the season's early leaders, they have beaten Real Madrid, and on Sunday they beat Málaga. This summer, Málaga spent almost €60m on players; Levante spent €210,000: €150,000 on Miguel Pallardó and €60,000 for Pedro López. Málaga spent more money on signings this summer than Levante have spent in their entire history. And this weekend Levante were without Xavi Torres because he is a Málaga player and they had applied one of those crapping-yourself-clauses. Levante decided that they could not afford the fee for him to play. It would have cost them €50,000.
That's not all they can't afford. As explained here before, Levante, who are coming out of an administration process, cannot afford to fire up their laptops to track their players. Their sporting director admits to picking off what's left, the Expendables, when other clubs have taken their pick – and "other clubs" includes second division ones. This summer, they spent €1m on Felipe Caicedo – but only so that they could exercise the buy-option and sell him on. Their most expensive player cost €300,000 and their last 50 players have cost a combined total of under €400,000. Each season's wages total €6.5m for the entire squad. Cristiano Ronaldo and Leo Messi alone earn twice that. Their entire budget is €22m. The club they are currently level with, FC Barcelona, have a budget 20 times the size at €461m.
Nor is it just about the money. Not only were Levante without Torres on Sunday, the team they put out was the oldest in La Liga's history, with a combined age of 346. As captain Sergio Ballesteros puts it: "Nano is the young one, the one we send out for bread and whose bald head we slap." Like nine of the starting XI, Nano is still over 30. Just the back four and the goalkeeper are 170. If 19 was the average age of a combat soldier in Vietnam, Levante's average on Sunday was fractionally short of 32. And if you look through the squad list glancing at the bit that says "palmarés", honours, you'll almost invariably see a semi-colon and then nothing. That "ugly, poor and bad at football" was the description offered up by Levante fans themselves – on the day they defeated the self-confessed "rich, handsome and talented" Cristiano Ronaldo and his Real Madrid team. That day, the goal came from the on-loan Aruna Koné. It was his first La Liga goal for four years, only his second ever.
This weekend, Koné got another one as Levante won 3-0. Sure, the goals came from a couple of rebounds and a ludicrous mistake from the Málaga goalkeeper Ruben, replacing Willy Caballero who had been sent off; sure, Málaga were without the vital Julio Baptista, had more possession and could scarcely believe what had happened. But that's fairly normal – only Racing Santander have had less possession this season than Levante, a side that is conscious of its limitations – and Levante are comfortable in that role. Supremely well organised, defensive – although they are starting to play the ball a little more – and swift on the break, happy to employ the "other football" when it suits, there are no pretences about this side. And while they will certainly slip back down the table this certainly cannot be dismissed as a fluke.
Last season, much of Levante's success came through union and the clever psychological work of coach Luis García. But he departed in the summer and so did Caicedo, their top scorer and easily their best player, the most effective striker in the league. That might have been the end; instead, it was an opportunity – the chance for the players to show that they can play a bit too, that it was not just about García. New coach Juan Ignacio Martínez takes a more discreet role, convincing the players that it is about them and that they are actually pretty good at football. He has been even closer to the players than García was. Meanwhile, the age of the dressing room has leant a seriousness and dedication to the club – especially from Ballesteros and Juanfran, who have returned to the club where they began their careers back in the last century.
At 36, Ballesteros is Levante's leader: intelligent, committed, surprisingly sensitive and utterly unpretentious, despite becoming an idol for team-mates and fans – the antihero who seems to embody this team. This weekend, one banner at the Ciutat de Valencia portrayed him in black and white alongside the slogan: "Legend". Halfway through the match a chant went round: "Ballesteros, selección!" And although it may have been partly tongue in cheek, it's not really that ridiculous.
Ballesteros is a man whose reputation is being rightly revised. Softly spoken, strong as an ox, with a neck like Mike Tyson and more kilos than any player in Spain, hurt by the accusations, he has long been quick to point out that the notion of him as a violent player, some kind of unrefined meathead, is flawed. And that so too is the impression of him as a hulking great oil tanker of a defender, slow and ponderous. Now, at last, people are starting to think he might even be right. Against Madrid he out-sprinted Cristiano Ronaldo and he has committed just six fouls all season – most of those when he has gone forward for set plays. "They used to give me sticks, now they give me carrots," he told El País's Cayetano Ros this weekend.
He was right but for one thing: carrots? Hardly. According to the club doctor, the secret to Levante's success this season is even more simple and somehow even more appropriate: pizza and beer.
